Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
