I wish I could teleport
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Randomize
