direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
