capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
