I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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