threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
