today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
