Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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