Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize