i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
