i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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