she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
