haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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