apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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