Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
