I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
