Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
