...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
