The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
