i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
