You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
