and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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