I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Nobody cheats on THIS.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
