I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
