dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
