just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
