PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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