I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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