I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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