my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
