So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
