i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
