New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I touched a dick in church today
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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