kristin has been a bad kristin
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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