I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
