You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
