How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Randomize
