and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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