yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
