Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
