in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
