of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
