I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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