I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
