My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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