Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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