i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
