Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
