Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
