weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
