Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
