my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
