Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
