I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
