I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
