i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize