also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize