I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
