You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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