Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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