I wish I only lived at night.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize