as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize