Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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