I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
a search helicopter?!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
