1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i just sent this text using only my big toe
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
