I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
