i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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