well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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